I want I want I want

I want to not have caught a sore throat and sniffle.

I want to not feel flat and listless today.

I want to know what nice thing to do to cheer myself up, and have the energy to do it.

I want my puppy not to be sick. It makes him so miserable. I have been up for him three times in the night, including getting him grass from the garden at 2am because it helps his tummy; I have cleaned poo from three different rooms this morning; and I have had him in the shower three times since last night to wash his poo-streaked bottom. I hate it when he tries to climb on me in the shower to get away from the water. It breaks my heart. This is also not that unusual.

I want to have a year of maternity leave on full pay.

I want my garden to not be a mud-patch.

After being bumped by an old man who should have his licence revoked as he reversed into us yesterday, I want the new car we were planning on getting next year right now. It scared me.

I want to meet my baby, but only after a manageable, safe and normal birth.

I want to fit into my old clothes, but that will not be possible even post-delivery. No-one needs to see what is happening to my thighs right now. I made myself miserable the other night looking at how skinny we were on our honeymoon.

I want my swollen hands to deflate so I can wear my engagement ring. I feel naked.

I want the groceries to be done.

I think that should do it.


2 thoughts on “I want I want I want

  1. Poor you, just so you feel better and know that you are not alone here is my list

    I want to stop feeling so unmotivated and depressed. Just do something

    I want to have a little money just to buy me a present, nothing fancy, maybe a nice book to look at

    I want my daughter to understand we are trying to help her

    I want to spend some time with my grandson so I can read him books and sniff his neck while doing so

    I want a dog walker to walk my dog for me and bring him back all clean and clipped and nice smelling instead of muddy and shedding hairs everywhere

    I want a guinea pig who will be happy to be carried in my handbag and be stroked whenever I am stressed

    I want to love my husband again, the way I used to before life wore us down.

    I want a career,something that makes me want to get up in the morning every day and be happy

    I want to lose three stone overnight

  2. Oh Debra, how lovely of you to reply. I was just having a sook but it’s nice to know others feel that aggravating discontent too.
    I think that these lists are really for getting things out rather than seeking advice (the difference between the way men and women approach sharing their problems!) but I really agree with you that the best way to deal with feeling unmotivated and depressed, as long as we’re not dealing with something clinical, is just to do something – anything – and get moving. For me anyway, stagnation is like syrup – the longer I stay still the stickier and thicker it is.
    I loved your description of sniffing your grandson’s neck. Small things like that are so heartening and make everything seem centred.
    I don’t know what the situation with your daughter is, but I think I know two things about parent/child relationships: no-one will ever have your best interests at heart or move heaven and earth for you like loving parents; and no-one can irk you more trying to help you than your loving parents! I hope you can meet your daughter somewhere in the middle soon.
    And boy do I hear you about wanting to buy something little and lovely! I don’t need anything too big and flash, but just something for me to admire and to make me and/or my life feel prettier. This will sound stupid, but lately the small purchases that have given me a silly little thrill every day are some Nude Food Movers I bought from the supermarket. They’re just twisty food storage containers that you can mix’n’match sizes to put lunchbox snacks in, but they have somehow given me a great deal of satisfaction. Weird!
    Do your dogs shed hair absolutely everywhere too? Nothing leaves my house without a nice coating of felt 🙂
    I hope you still love your husband. I was talking to mine last night about how I fear us going through a rough patch because so far we’ve been lucky enough to avoid one, but when it inevitably comes, I fear that we will confuse a rough patch for the end of the road. Do you think there’s anything small you could do with your husband to re-connect? Even something small like no-TV-on dinner at the dining table (something we need to do!) or something to giggle over?
    Can I please borrow your little guinea pig? What a gorgeous idea!
    Thank you again for sharing Debra. Isn’t it funny that with all the big problems, sometimes what will make a difference to us just today will be a small thing like having the dogs walked or the groceries done. Small acts of kindness keep us buoyed up to deal with the bigger things.

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